3 Lessons I Learned From Nastygrams

Once a month, I receive an email or comment that feels angry, mean, or spiteful — usually from an author who disagrees with whatever message I’ve put out there.

For a lot of leaders and entrepreneurs, receiving negative feedback seems like a terrible outcome. 

Someone doesn’t like what you’re saying, actively disagrees, and could disparage you and your work all over the Internet. 

That’s the worst, right?

Actually, no. I remember three key lessons every time I get offered haterade.

First — some of the most influential authors and books I’ve worked on had thousands of haters. 

Here’s why. 

Having haters means that your message is provoking an emotion in folks. And that’s true even when the feedback is negative. 

Think about the times that you’ve responded to an email, or even posted a review of an experience you’ve had at a restaurant or hotel. It usually has to be really bad or really good, right? The same goes for your email messages and social media posts and ultimately, your book.

Second — criticism gives me the opportunity to ask myself an important question.

Is this person right?

Admittedly this is a trick question. 

Most of the time, I find that a mean message comes from the sender’s experience and a part of themselves that’s hurt. It has nothing to do with me and what I’m saying or doing.

Third — I love haters because it gives me an opportunity to change my mind. 

Earlier this summer, I gave a virtual presentation to a group of entrepreneurs. 

The presentation was on how to grow your business by publishing a book. I presented what I believe to be true — that traditional publishing is the best way to reach thousands of readers.

The reactions were swift, starting with nasty DMs during my presentation.

Afterward, when formal feedback arrived, multiple people said that I was more focused on selling my services than actually teaching them how to sell their books. 

Even the coordinator took the opportunity to lecture me about the professionalism of my slides (or lack thereof). 

One thing was clear — I definitely provoked emotions in these folks. 

I also knew the feedback wasn’t about me. From the messages I received, it seemed like these authors wanted to be shown easy ways to use underperforming books to boost their business. 

Which is the exact opposite of what I teach.

Ultimately, that group wasn’t a great fit for me and vice versa.

But there was a benefit. As a result of that workshop, I decided that I would not try to convince anyone that traditional publishing is the “right” way to become an author.

Because here’s the truth. 

Traditional publishing IS great — for people that want to grow a large audience, for people who want to hit the bestseller lists, and for people who want to be known in their niche.

Traditional publishing is also important for folks who want to support independent bookstores, have their book in airports, and who want as wide a distribution of their work as possible.

But self-publishing and hybrid publishing also have their place.

So, I’m not going to try and convince you that traditional publishing is right, or that working with me is the answer. Because it might not be. 

But what I will do is encourage you to explore all of your options, including traditional publishing. Because a book deal is possible for you — if that’s what you want.

Even if your haters say it’s not.