A Lesson From Beyonce On Rejection

When Beyonce’s latest album — Cowboy Carter — came out, I read a fascinating article suggesting that Beyonce and Jay-Z were trying to get approval from the country music industry. It was an opinion piece, so I have no idea how true that is.

But the premise got me thinking, because I see this please-like-me / please-accept-me vibe among the entrepreneurs and experts that I work with. And that’s true regardless of how accomplished my clients are. I suspect this vibe is caused by the — extremely prevalent — idea that the traditional publishing world is tough, that it’s difficult and rare to get a book deal, and that you’re more likely as an author to get rejected than accepted.

And y’all — I hate to say it but all of that is true. 

However, there’s a reason that these things are true, and it’s not to hurt you personally. Instead, the gatekeeping that’s done is to organize the millions of people who want to write a book. There needs to be some kind of system in place to keep all of that organized and allow for curation. When you don’t have that, you lose quality and you lose readers. (Just look at self-publishing for proof.)

So: How do you avoid approaching your book process with a desperate vibe?

Here’s what I have learned from my own experiences, both professional and personal.

Approaching anything — people, projects, the entire industry — with a please-like-me / please-accept-me vibe is a losing game. And it’s not just because the people you’re interacting with will be able to tell. Instead, when we do that we’re hurting and undermining ourselves. We’re looking for external validation which may or may not come. We’re giving away our power, our agency, and our ability to know, deeply, that we are worthy no matter what happens.

So: What do we do instead? And how the heck does this relate to publishing?

First, I’ve found it immensely helpful to practice the idea that what others say and do isn’t about me. Most rejections in publishing aren’t personal even when it feels that way. 

Second, do your research. Often I “reject” people who are writing types of books — fiction, children’s, memoir — that I don’t work on. That energy could have been saved with some basic research. Take it from me: Gatekeepers love when you follow their rules. Whether it’s learning what an author platform is or how a literary agent prefers to receive submissions, doing a little bit of homework can yield huge results. 

And lastly — believe in yourself and your dreams. I’ve found that when you show up knowing that you belong, that you can take your (great!) ideas elsewhere, that you are there to learn and grow — you’re more likely to get the end result you want. Even if that particular situation is just step #1. Or #3001.